Swords and Blessings

Swords and Blessings

Perhaps one would notice the difference between average young adults and me. I am not the tallest or the thinnest. Short and chubby might be very descriptive of me. My skin is not of smoothest silk. I have legs that resemble of trunks of trees and a face which is full of black pepper. I was a B student through my life. My art was not appreciated by my parents. My writing skills were criticized by professors. Even my brother did not appreciate my vocal pitch and oral skills. I am not the prettiest.

I am not a conformist either. I sing at bus-stop and engage in conversations with "neighbors" on the bus, whom in elsewhere is called strangers. I wear clothes and shoes in appropriate occasion at times. For example, I wear heels to hike. My color matching skills are so poor that my younger brother exclaimed I shall read more fashion magazines.

This is the very woman, I, Vivian So, achieved most dedication award and most progress award in dancing within her first beginner year in school. The same junior won third place in first annual mathematics exhibition senior category. The same student completed mathematics twelve in grade ten. The same person enjoyed being library assistant, peer tutoring assistant and in-class computer helper. She was the very person who spoke up in classes.

I was once with burning desire to continuously improve myself, and I am still hoping so. There was a time I could not admit defeat, now I am trying to. Many dreams, many thoughts, my mind is still wandering, seeking direction. Perhaps, there is another story behind this invisible girl—one of my permanent disabilities: Schizophrenia.

I did not comprehend what was happening as I was waving my hands, trying to listen to the aliens voice—hallucination. I was frightened, so were my parents and my brother. I thought my parents would have harmed me, since I believed some dirty ghost was controlling my parents' spirit. I lost real conceptual thinking.

I would walk back and forth, and around the circles, smiling oddly. I would lie in bed and do nothing all day—lack of motivation and hygiene. My appetite was so great that I could eat up to two bowls of rice and of soup.

I was isolated.

I rarely went outdoors at all, and phone was a non-existent habits. My memories and concentration were poor, too, so I seldom have confidence in my study. Yet slowly with steps, I was overcoming my barriers one at a time.

My delusions seemed to be almost faded away, along with the odd smiles. I have greater interest in e-learning than before. My appetite is still great, but I am cooperative with my parents. I seemed to be more outgoing now then ever, although I have not established phone habits. Moreover, though I am a B student at Camosun College, I know in my heart, I am good, because the grades were not achieved without efforts.

I am a miracle of God.